A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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