How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
