i'm signing you up for texting rehab
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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