Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
