I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
This house was built for laser tag.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
