Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
