I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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