My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
