Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
