In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
