We won't sleep together?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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