I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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