I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
