I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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