sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
