Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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