Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't deserve a penis
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
