literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I cut my penus on the lid.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
