You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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