I am in a vortex of obligation.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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