You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
