I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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