Where is the hickey?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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