Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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