I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize