Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
