Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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