I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My ass is underappreciated
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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