That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
