It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize