Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
