So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
