then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize