forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
