Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
