You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
