i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
