It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
