Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
