I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
