put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
