You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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