This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
