Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
