let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
