i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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