I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
