my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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