Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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