I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
