it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
