Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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