I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You smell like stripper and shame
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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