The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
