8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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