Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
