She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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