if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
