so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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