If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
