They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
