I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
