Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
