Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
