I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
