Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
no you cant smoke seaweed
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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