could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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