Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Is it because I queefed?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
