Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
