Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
