Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
