I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
