he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
