Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
