Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
