you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
