we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
