why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she looked like the before picture.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
