so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
