yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
