I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize