So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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