Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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