that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
