No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
